


A very Merry Unbirthday

by MaxKowarth



Series: What if this Storm Ends? [14]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Awkward Tension, Birthday Fluff, Birthday Party, Birthday Presents, Cheeky twins, M/M, Obsessive Behavior, confused celestials, soft soft soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-27
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-19 01:00:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29742567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaxKowarth/pseuds/MaxKowarth
Summary: How do immortal beings relate to the human concept of birthdays?
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Sergeant Shadwell/Madame Tracy (Good Omens)
Series: What if this Storm Ends? [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1531430
Comments: 18
Kudos: 8





	1. To You,

The lounge felt of love.  
It was hard to describe it any other way and it was all Aziraphale’s fault.  
Crowley couldn’t possibly be to blame, despite the way he was coiled around the twins as they drew.

His frown was not related to the feeling of love, but to the way the girls appeared to be drawing half of the same image each.  
Was that normal or was that his girl’s being brilliant? He should ask Aziraphale. But that did run the risk of shattering the illusion that it was his girl’s imagination.  
Something still nagged at him and rolled onto his back only to find his angel conspicuously absent.

When the demon tracked him down, the angel was in his study, books scattered open across the desk earmarked with coloured bookmarks.  
Crowley peered over the top of his glasses (and the heads of the girls) and noticed a theme.

‘Swift, Austen, Thomas, Carroll, Tolkein. What are you looking for, angel?’  
Aziraphale looked up from his collected Pinter and swallowed uncomfortably.  
‘Well uhm, you see... we agreed to treat our girls as uh normally as possible?’  
‘Yeah, and?’  
‘I was researching the celebration of bir... uhm’ his eyes darted between his daughters ‘B.i.r.t.h.d.a.y.s’

‘Angel, their birthday is months away’  
‘Birdie’ Alice told the room and her father sighed. Ariel burbled in a rough approximation of birdsong.  
‘Riiight. What do you need to research? You’ve had birthdays.’

‘Crowley, an annual dinner at the Ritz isn’t really suitable for infants.’ The angel tugged at the seams of his waistcoat. ‘And besides, you were the one who started calling it Birthday Dinner.’  
‘That was so I could claim it on expenses’ the demon grinned.  
Aziraphale rolled his eyes fondly.

‘They will be one, what will they know about celebrations?’ Crowley reasoned.  
‘Only what we teach them. And that’s why I must get it right.’ The angel clapped his hands, drawing the girl’s attention. Ariel applauded in sympathy.  
‘And so you read Tolkein? What do we do, chuck ‘em in a volcano? Stick um up a tree and bore them to death with debates about pies?’  
‘No. No of course not. I... I just want it to be right.’ Aziraphale’s eyes were wide and pleading for understanding. 

Crowley responded by handing over the still clapping Aerial. She was suddenly very interested in her father’s hair.  
‘Ignore all those books there Angel, tell me what you looked forward to, in all those above board dinners?’  
‘The wine but we can’t give that to the girls. The cakes, of course.’  
‘Oh of course cake, can’t have a party without cake.’ Crowley tempted. Alice giggled at his sing song tone.  
Aziraphale smiled chastely before raising his eyes from his daughter to his husband. ‘The Company.’  
Crowley flicked his hair back and grinned, only faintly abashed. ‘Fair point. We should draw up invitations.’  
He turned his back and beckoned the angel to follow him. ‘Come on, let’s make some lists.’


	2. To Me!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day of the first birthday has arrived!

Newt pulled into the driveway of Eden cottage and timidly parked some distance from the threatening looking Bentley.   
He stepped from his beloved Dick Turpin, straightened his jacket and jumped at the unseasonal bee that buzzed past him.  
He dashed around to the passenger side to let Anathema out.   
To the outside observer this was gallant and spoke of devotion. To Newt it was paranoia that the passenger door might not open from the inside.

Anathema Device eased herself out of the car, gently pressed her lips to Newt’s cheek then ducked back inside to retrieve her carefully wrapped presents. Newt did his best not to look at her hips but both his blush and the way he was resettling his tie gave him away when she stood back up. She clicked her tongue and handed the presents over to him to carry.

The door to the cottage was open but before they could enter The Them poured out, multi coloured streamers in their wake.  
‘Careful Brian.’ Anathema warned as the lad narrowly avoided colliding with them.   
‘He’s always careful’ Pepper teased before dashing off. Wensleydale and Adam took the opposite direction in order to garland the front of the house with the rainbows.  
‘That’s very… symbolic?’ Newt hazarded ‘It’s their first birthday how....’  
‘You’re over thinking again.’ Anathema told him.  
‘Ah, right. Odd thing though. Doesn’t seem out of place.’

-

The girls were sat in the middle of the lounge floor, inside a little pen whose walls were adorned with more of the rainbow ribbon.   
Aziraphale greeted the guests warmly and even awkwardly attempted a hug which Newt politely refused, instead proffering the presents.  
‘Oh dear boy, how lovely thank you.’ Aziraphale beamed.   
‘Oh no, they’re for the girls.’ He haltingly explained. The bookseller’s features clambered through a range of confusion bemusement and acceptance before returning to the kindly smile.  
‘Quite, there’s buffet.’ He pointed and was gratified to see the nervous young man take refuge in the proffered social escape.

Aziraphale rattled the presents against his ear to Anathema’s amusement.   
‘They are quite baby safe Mr Fell, and I hope of interest to the girls.’  
‘I am sorry my dear, I didn’t mean to offend. But there has been form already today.’  
‘Oh? Whatever have they been given?’ the woman settled onto the floor outside the pen and reached to hold the girls hands.   
The twins were happy to see their friend and began babbling at her, for all the world as if catching her up on gossip since they last met.  
‘Ah well a collection of religious icons and a “my first exorcism” kit’ Aziraphale sighed. ‘Good intentions and all that.’  
Anathema had a fairly good idea who was behind that particular gift and let her eyes flick toward Newt.

-

‘Aye, Pulisifier.’ Sergeant Shadwell clapped him on the shoulder as he arrived at the table. ‘Good tae see ye. The harridan an I have a proposal to discuss.’  
‘Oh really? Congratulations.’ Newt smiled at Madam Tracey who fluttered her eyelashes at him.  
‘No Lad, a business proposal.’  
‘Business isn’t really my strong point.’ Newt reminded him.  
‘Good job you have a top consultant on hand then.’ Grinned Crowley, who had appeared from nowhere.  
‘Oh, we do?’ Newt blinked as he added another chicken nugget to his plate.  
‘Me!’ Crowley objected, taking one of Newts nuggies before stalking off to his husband.

-

Ariel hand climbed into Anathema’s arms while Alice was supported by Aziraphale as she pulled at the parcel meant for her.   
Crowley wrapped his arm around his husband’s waist and gave him a supportive squeeze.  
‘Having fun girls? He asked.   
Ariel reached toward him and he smiled, offering his arms. Her focus stayed on his fingers where the chicken nugget was.   
He rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses and handed it over. At this point the doorbell rang.

‘We left the door open on purpose.’ Crowley growled.  
‘Perhaps it’s... uhm, someone who has to be invited in?’ Aziraphale suggested, avoiding naming names from above or below. Crowley’s brow furrowed and he stalked out to the door.  
Much to his surprise it was an angular uniformed man. His shirt was embroidered with the International Express logo and the name ‘Lesley’.  
‘Hello, need a signature?’ the man proffered a tablet which Crowley waggled his fingers in the direction of as he took the parcel. 

-

‘See, the dark banshee has put her finger on our recruitment issue.’ Shadwell explained through half a pork pie.  
‘It’s all in the name “Witch finders” doesn’t fit in the modern world. Witch doesn’t hold the same negative connotations it once did. We’re mostly benign these days. And then there’s the finders part.’  
‘But we do that. Find witches, you know. At least two successes.’ He apologised.  
‘No burnings though lad’ Shadwell was forking sandwich pickle on the other half of his pie.  
‘But, and here’s the point, you did find Romance. What if we turned Witch finding into a dating agency?’  
Newt almost chocked on his teacake.

-

Aziraphale had joined Crowley outside to stare at the innocuous cardboard box, post marked in the United States.  
They looked at each other, and then back to the box, neither prepared to open it.  
‘What do you think it is?’  
‘Nothing heavy, but y’know, that doesn’t _mean_ anything.’

A stick appeared in their line of vision and poked at the box.  
‘Careful Pepper!’ Aziraphale warned. ‘We don’t know anything about it!’  
‘Of course we do. There’s a lot of things you can’t ship internationally these days.’ Wensleydale pointed out. ‘Nothing live, cheese included.’  
‘Cheese?’ Brian queried.   
‘Yeah, Dad was moaning about that a while ago.’

Adam had pulled out his penknife and picked up the box before anyone could object. He handed over a note to the husbands and took the enclosed teddies in to the twins.  
‘Oh it’s from Harriet Dowling, she and Warlock can’t make it but she promises to visit when she can.'

-

With the guests settled in, the husbands waited for the twins to wake from their afternoon nap before bringing out birthday cake with tea.   
As it transpired this was a very fortunate move as they had two more arrivals before tea could be served.

The angel and the demon stood apart from one another, tense and wary.  
‘Sandalaphon?’ Aziraphale squinted at the short bald angel’s pathetic disguise of a bowler hat and umbrella that failed to match their suit.  
‘Dagon, you old villain,’ Boomed Crowley at his counterpart. They hissed in reply. ‘So, you two got the short straw of observers to the birthday party huh?’   
‘We have that…’ Dagon stopped speaking and turned to Sandalaphon who shrugged.  
‘Honour?’ he suggested.   
‘Pleasure.’ Dagon went with, smiling more at the angel’s discomfort of the very idea of a pleased demon.  
‘Well, don’t let’s hang about on the doorstep.’ Aziraphale ushered them in and pointedly failed to introduce them to anyone.   
Adam seemed to know who they were anyway.

‘Can I tempt you to a cup of tea? Maybe some wine, its brewed locally?’ Crowley purred at the uncomfortable looking emissary of above.  
‘No, thank you.’ Sandalaphon coughed nervously.   
‘Wine is good?’ Dagon glowered.  
‘Oh yes! Only the best round these parts. When did I ever settle for anything else?’Crowley beamed.  
‘You married.’ Was Dagon’s catty reply but it went straight past its target.   
‘Absolutely my point!’Crowley handed over a flagon that suited Dagon’s hands better than the best wine glasses.   
Aziraphale wordlessly handed his former colleague a plate full of cakes and settled back to chatting with his other guests.

-

When the time came the girls were as fascinated with the candles on their cake as much as Aziraphale was.   
Crowley reverently brought the confection from the kitchen to the lounge, carefully placing it within their reach as their father explained the idea was to blow the candles out.  
‘No dear you can’t eat the candles, they’re for decoration, like the ribbons.’   
‘Hot, not for touching, remember?’ Crowley prompted.  
Alice looked quite put out but dutifully attempted to blow out the candle. Ariel giggled as she followed suit.

‘I meant tae asked, why all the rainbows?’ Shadwell growled.  
‘Oh it was a compromise really. I got a little confused. You see it used to be that pink was for boys and blue for girls and white was a neutral colour, then it switched round and now there are just so many colours. It all got a bit on top of me.’  
‘So instead we choose rainbows, to remind us all of happier days ahead. They only show up after storms.’ Crowley finished for him.  
‘Right. Not gay then.’ Newt muttered.   
‘Oh, very happy indeed.’ Aziraphale reassured him with a beatific smile that the girls reflected into the room as they stuffed themselves with thier first birthday cake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the choppy nature of the tale but like all the best birthday parties you don't get to take in everything at once.
> 
> Many happy returns to Wildphoenix_ofthe80s

**Author's Note:**

> Written for @Wildphoenix_ofthe80s, creator of the SENverse for her birthday.


End file.
